I was at a cafe yesterday with my Border Collie Rilla, when two teenage girls came in and sat at the table next to mine.Shortly after their arrival, I heard them discussing Rilla. This always happens when I take my dogs out - everywhere I take her she receives multiple compliments and friendly comments.
I turned my head to face the girls only to discover that they were sitting with their backs to me, and were holding a mobile phone on the table. They had the camera open and set on "selfie" mode, so Rilla was displayed on the screen where they could easily see - and discuss - her.
I was very surprised to see them doing this and, I must admit, a little annoyed. If I hadn't been so taken aback at the time I probably would have said something along the lines of "Excuse me, you're welcome to come and pat her if you like".
As I've mulled this behaviour over I've thought how truly odd and unsociable it is. Instead of turning around and speaking to me about my dog (or even just to Rilla, as many people do) they had the idea to pull out their phone and use the camera to look at her.
Aside from this feeling a little like an invasion of privacy, it's actually robbing those girls of a chance to talk to other people.
If it had been two friends belonging to an older and wiser generation, I'm fairly certain they would have actually turned in their seats and addressed Rilla, rather than spying on her. (Because it really does feel like your dog is being spied on when this happens!)
This would have led to a conversation with me, however brief it might have been.
After that happened I observed the other people in the cafe. Many were staring at their screens, and some friends that were talking to each other were holding phones in their hands and continually disrupting the flow of the conversation by glancing down at it. It's worth pointing out here that they weren't all teenagers, or even young. (I'm fully aware that teenagers aren't the only people with a phone addiction problem these days.)
I certainly don't think we have to talk to every single person we meet when we're out and about, but I can't help but think that this socially acceptable standard of being absorbed in one's screen isn't a very good thing.
With everyone being distracted by their screens, they're missing out on the opportunity to meet other people, or even just simply enjoy sitting still for a moment and observing the world around them. You know - be in the moment.
If we all behaved like this, would we ever meet anyone or see anything worth seeing?
Whilst the internet is a very big place, it's also a rather small one to occupy most of your time with.
Do we have to be occupied by a screen 24/7?
Do we really need to waste time at a cafe trying to connect to the free wifi when you most likely have your own source of wifi at home?
I don't use the internet when I go out. When I leave the house, the only function the mobile phone serves is to be used as a telephone if I need one. That's it.
What about you?
Would you talk to an actual person about their dog or simply be contented to use your phone to spy on them? Do you stare at your screen whilst on a coffee date instead of talking to the person you've met up with?
And if you do - will you please answer my question of just what you possibly find to do on there so much? Because I'm baffled, and I'd really like to know.
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I would never even think to photograph a dog and talk about while the owner is there. Maybe I'd take a photo and show it to my kids at home, but then I'm a talker, and I like to find excuses to strike up conversations.
ReplyDeleteThey didn't actually take a photo (I don't think), but just used the phone like a mirror to be able to see Rilla. A world without conversation would be incredibly dull!
DeleteWhat those girls did was strange and rude. They invaded your space and also denied themselves the pleasure of a friendly exchange with you and/or your dog. Such incidental conversations really make my day.
ReplyDeleteIt was quite strange! I always love those conversations too :-)
DeleteI totally agree with you, the world has gone mad. I have a mobile phone which I only use to phone or text with. I sit in dismay as you did at the lack of conversation that goes on these days. How can looking at a dog through a phone compare with patting it's soft fur?
ReplyDeleteI don't know...as a dog lover I'd much rather actually pat the dog :-)
DeleteI often leave my phone in the car if I'm meeting a friend; I smile and chat with babies, dogs, grocery shop staff; I tell plants and mushrooms how beautiful they look. Those girls would think I was the crazy one!
ReplyDeleteWhy am I not surprised that you talk to mushrooms, Kellie? <3
DeleteThat is strange behavior indeed Sarah. The world has become a crazy place. I keep my phone in my bag when I am out and about, particularly if I am with other people. I am also very conscious of setting a reasonable standard for my children, who do not have phones yet. Many of their friends do but perhaps I am old fashioned? Interesting post. Thank you! x
ReplyDeleteI don't think you are old fashioned, Jane. Our son is at that age now where he's starting to notice lots of other kids with phones and he has expressed murmurings about "needing" one too. We have clear rules about screens here and, while they are unpopular at times, they have helped in ensuring a balance between screen time and all the other wonderful people and activities young people need. Meg:)
DeleteI don't think you're old fashioned Jane, just sensible. If I had children there's no way they'd be having a mobile phone! What do they need it for? I'm glad that I grew up in the era pre-technology; I hate to think of all the fun games and imaginary things I could have missed out on if I had been handed an iPad to keep me entertained :-)
DeleteI think you are right, Sarah ... those young girls missed out on the chance of a conversation with you and a chance to meet, and perhaps even pat, your gorgeous dog. I read somewhere once that one of the dangers inherent in too much screen time, is all that one is NOT doing while looking at a screen. I think there's a lot of truth in that! When I'm with others, my phone is in my bag. When I'm at home here, it's often off. I like being disconnected from technology and connected to my family, friends and nature. Meg:)
ReplyDeleteIt's all about balance, isn't it Meg? I'm certainly not against the internet, but I'm very conscious of not spending too much time on screens. It's easy to do!
DeleteThat is really weird! I do use my phone a lot. I have Feedly on there, so I use it to read blogs (I don't sign up for newsletters, I prefer to subscribe in feedly) and I have podcasts. And I love instagram (although less now that is become more like facebook). So I usually listen or read or look at photos if I'm by myself, but if I'm with another person I leave my phone in my bag, no need to look at it all the time.
ReplyDeleteMy mobile phone doesn't take photos nor connect with the internet it is used simply for texts and for calls and very rarely for those. I think mobile phones are very useful for contacting people in an emergency or to tell someone you have arranged to meet that you have been held up or such like but like you I cannot understand why everyone seems to have lost the art of connecting with other people face to face and why oh why do they seem to be so much more interested in what is on line (Tweets? Facebook? or whateer?) than they are with what is actually around them be that people or surroundings. It is indeed a very strangw world we now seem to inhabit when we are so disconnected with friends, other people, Nature and so on. A friend sent me a cartoon recently showing a crowd of people all engrossed in their phones and one person pointing to the sky in which hovered a flying saucer. Nobody was taking the slightest bit of notice of him and the caption was "Oh well - never mind then"!!
ReplyDeleteI think that cartoon sums it up pretty well!
DeleteI'm generation X so I would never do that! Honestly the younger generation have no idea and need to be told courteous behaviour.I would of been like "Um, hello...excuse me. You need to ask permission to take a photo of my dog. I am just sitting here" Oh yes that is the worse when you are with a friend a they keep checking their phone. I find that so rude. I always put mine away.
ReplyDeleteThankfully not all young people are like that; I've seen a fairly broad range of age groups absorbed in their screens.
DeleteI would definitely stare at the dog so much that the owner would notice me and then we'd start a conversation. However, bear in mind that as well as being addicted to phone, teenagers have very low self esteem (big time) and probably just turning your way and looking at your dog might be uncomfortable for them. on the other hand they are not mature enough to look at the dog and then discuss it after getting out of the cafe, so they end up messin up like this.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the reasons that I didn't want to get a touch screen/smart phone. I am on it now much more than I would be if I didn't have one (the old one made calls and sent texts and it was ok), but I appreciate the benefits, because sometimes I can chat to my family who live away from the phone rather than turning on the desktop computer. I guess you have to be selective and THINK about what you are doing. Which we so often don't...
I remember quite clearly being very shy as a teenager, but thankfully I didn't have a phone to hide in, I had to learn to talk to people and discover that they didn't bite. And I think there is a bit of a difference between being too shy to speak to someone and using your phone like that.
DeleteWhat strange behaviour. Recently we were walking along the pavement and a chap came the other way with (I presume) his two daughters. The girls smiled and moved to one side so we could pass safely but he was so engrossed in his phone that I honestly don't think he knew we were there. We stepped into the road to avoid him and he didn't look up or register us at all.
ReplyDeleteYou remember how supermarkets placed the desirable object at eye level and the basic staples lower down? Apparently they've moved the desirable shelf lower as so many customers are looking down at their phones and so their gaze is aimed at hip level.
I don't know if they've changed the shelves around like that over here...I'll have to have a look next time I am at the supermarket!
DeleteI had a person nearly walk into me before because they were absorbed in their screen!
I think that this actually highlughts that convesation is a dying art. While I can certainly understand your annoyance, I don't beleive they were doing this to be rude or disrespectful, rather not knowing any different. I must admit if I every see a dog in the street, I cannot help myself but to talk to the owner & ask to pat the dog... different generation though...
ReplyDeleteI don't think they were being purposefully rude either, I think they just weren't thinking at all. It's very sad that conversations aren't happening now because of mobile screens!
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